Looking back……..and forward

A new year another new beginning. So it’s been a while since my last post, a lot longer than i intended really but then a lot has happened. Surprisingly enough mostly positive things, yes i know you probably expected more heartache and disappointment but no not this time. For most of us a new year means looking back at the year past and looking forward to the new one, contemplating what it will be, i am no different. As i look back on 2014 and the past posts there has been quite a lot of disappointment. Coming back to SL was in a way both as i expected but also not like i imagined it at all. A few of my old friends still being around even if for some of them things have changed, different online hours or leading different lives both here and RL. Still i am very grateful to still have them in my life. i guess the biggest change has been the new people in my life and looking back these last six months there has been a few.

The friends
To Kytten, Graka, Jas, Kitten, Fox and Davin my old friends who were still here when i got back, forgiving me and inviting me back into their lives, thank you for always being there and for letting me be apart of your lives again. Having you in my life means so very much to me and i owe you all so much.

A very nice surprise has been all the new friends i have made since coming back. Sir Maric, Ana and Harper always making sure i’m doing ok, being there when things have been hard, always a kind word and always listening. Duifje, Emma, Jenn and Toffer always enjoying themselves making the rest of us smile. And one thing i know, i wouldn’t have gotten through a lot of the disappointment and heartache these last six moths if it hadn’t been for Miss Kianna. Who would have thought that someone who initially seemed so different than me and who could honestly make me feel very intimidated by using just a look ;-)) would turn out to be the best friend i have in SL. She has had to put up with a lot of rambling, a lot of long discussions about, well pretty much everything and strangely enough She is still here and She still talks to me!!  Well this is my way of saying thank you Miss Kianna and thank you to all my friends for the last year and hopefully i will enjoy having you all in my life year and year to come. And Miss Ceejay, i haven’t forgotten about you just keep reading…

The Dommes
Yes plural, coming back was in a way overwhelming, i’m not sure if it was like this when i was here last time and i just didn’t think of it since i wasn’t available or if something in SL has changed, but the attention i got coming back took me by surprise and i might not have handled it all that well at times. i wont name names here since that wouldn’t be fair to anyone but i will say that these last six months have been interesting. Some of the Dommes you have met in my past posts and even if they have been mostly about heartache and doubt most of the Dommes i have met have helped me realize what it is i really want in one way or the other, they have all brought me closer to finding what i have been missing.

i can keep talking about the times i’ve been called, not submissive enough, too submissive, disrespectful for not kneeling (first time we met), wearing Domme clothes and the least submissive submissive in SL, but then all of that is in the past and today a lot of the stories make me laugh as i look back. i know who i am and one persons view of me at one moment in time does not define me and it never will.

So there might have been a few Dommes a long the way and despite of the problems i am still grateful to have met them and a special thank you to Miss J is in order. She helped me through some hard times and helped me understand who i am and that there are some Dominants out there who are actually happy to listen and get to know the real person and not just the sub. Things did not work out due to other obligations but i will always be grateful and care about her and be grateful for the time that we had.

And no Miss Ceejay i still haven’t forgotten about you, please keep reading ;-))

The Mistress
So 2015, six months back in SL, heartaches, disappointments, self doubt, old friends and new, now what? i have said it before, sometimes you meet someone when you least expect it but when you need it the most. In this case someone i had met before, exchanged a few polite hellos with but not more than that, came into my life. Someone who decided to send me a message out of the blue, a message that became a conversation that lasted long into the night and continued the next day and the next…

That person was Miss Ceejay and from that first night everything happened pretty fast, at least from my way of looking at it since i usually like to take things slow. From my soon to be six years in SL, to meet someone who match your online times, time zone and shares your view on life and D/s is very rare and when you do, hold on to that person. She has made my SL and my RL so much richer and happier. She is someone who i respect and love more than i thought was possible after 3 months and i know that She respects me and values the person that i am rather than trying to change me. She is my Mistress and in Her i have found all the things that have been missing in my SL since being back and with Her i want to evolve as a person, as a sub and as a partner.

So with the hopes of a fantastic 2015 i want to thank my friends and let you know how much i treasure your friendship, i want to thank Miss Kianna for always being there listening, always giving me something to think about and for giving me a swift kick in the behind when needed and of course i want to thank Miss Ceejay for coming into my life when i thought 2014 was a lost year and for loving and caring about me, just the way i am.

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